By silicon.com, 30 January 2009 15:04
Bandwidth, bandwidth everywhere - but not a spot of work being done. The less connected you are, the more productive you'll be. At least, that's how it works for the Round-Up.
Rather than offering the ability to work harder, a broadband connection means speedy access to sites offering amusingly captioned pictures of cute cats, online time-wasting games often involving penguins, and the ability to receive emails from friends, usually featuring amusingly captioned pictures of cute cats and links to sites offering penguin-based games.
This deluge of electronic dross now means the Round-Up is most efficient when working in places without any internet connection at all (as long as it has its handy reminders) So that's underground, or anywhere outside of the M25 with a population less than 500,000 then.
As such, the next time the Round-Up moves offices, it will be to a cave, or one of the charmingly named broadband "notspots" of which there are plenty in Blighty. However, good news for you broadband have-nots - the government has decided it's about time everyone had access to a fat pipe.
Up to now, one of the few places perfect for getting work done (as far as the Round-Up is concerned) was on a plane. Food and drink brought to you, nowhere to go, no one to talk to, nothing to see. Just work. Bliss, of sorts.
But now, even that is changing. British Airways is launching an in-flight texting and email service for business travellers doing the London to New York run..
Passengers on a twice daily, all business-class route from London City Airport to New York City's JFK airport will later this year be able to send texts and emails from their mobile phones, as well as surfing the mobile web.
Laptop-wielding travellers with GSM data cards will also be able to get internet access on the fly, which means amusing pictures of cats can henceforth be beamed thousands of metres into the ether.
The good news: the system supports voice calls but BA has decided not to switch the function on, something that will no doubt please those travellers who don't wish to be bombarded with calls. Also, that means nobody will be forced to listen to the inevitable "I'm on the plane. Yeah, the food's disgusting" or "Nighty nighty squidgy bunnykins" calls.
Instead, the simple joy of text, you might think.
The Round-Up would beg to differ.
Frankly texting is going to be bad enough. While most kids are adept enough to send texts in their sleep, many adults haven't even figured out predictive texting. (Worryingly) one of the Round-Up's relatives was overheard exclaiming: "How does it know what I'm thinking?"
But even fewer adults have worked out that you can turn off the keypad tones as well, which means anyone over 30 composing a message tends to produce a very audible Morse Code-esque "beeb-beeb-beeb" accompaniment that drives anyone in hearing range (in particular the Round-Up) crackers.
If they're going to let people SMS across the Atlantic, it might be worth adding texting etiquette to the in-flight safety announcements. "Make sure your seatback is upright, your tray table is stowed and you've turned those bloody awful key sounds off. L8trz."
Wondering whether to buy a new laptop this weekend but can't decide which? Trying to figure out the right configuration of servers for that new department? Don't worry about it - just ask your nearest Tory MP
The Conservative Party has this week criticised the UK government over its lack of implementation of open source technology and published a report saying more needs to be done, with shadow chancellor George Osborne claiming: "We have led the debate on using open source software in government."
There's something bizarre about having a political party recommend a particular software development strategy. It's a bit like your granny giving you fashion advice. What's even odder is it's politicians making a point about technology which actually makes sense.
What next? George Osborne's opinion of Windows 7 beta or the best way to sort out the office ERP system?
Despite (or possibly because of) all the doom and gloom in the economy, it seems everyone's turning to antics in the office to have fun. Indeed, possibly too much fun.
Just over half of workers admit to having returned to work drunk from a lunchtime session, while slightly more admit to having been taken ill in the office due to a hangover.
The research isn't clear if these are the same people or on the same day, however.
Furthermore, a third of staff have cancelled or failed to show up for a meeting because they were down the pub. And it's perhaps no surprise that one in four admit to falling asleep at their desk.
The research, conducted by email company Proofpoint found that half of staff hold their hands up to hitting 'reply-all' on a company-wide email when their response was anything but 'safe for work'. One in four respondents had emailed a colleague with saucy comments intended for a lover, while eight per cent had replied to spam emails.
The Round-Up wonders, given this new and apparently bacchanalian atmosphere inside UK Plc, whether anyone else would notice
That's all for this week - the Round-Up's just off dahhhn the maaarket to see if there are any geezers selling dodgy mainframes and fake sunglasses.
And do you really, really want an ID card? If so it might be best that you move to Manchester.
Fancy a quick peak inside the shop of the future - at least according to Microsoft?
And finally: what do KFC, Windows 7 and old Macs have in common? They're all part of silicon.com's latest photos of the month round-up.
And of course, there's always the caption competition here - give it a go if you think you're funny enough
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