'Nigerian' money scam: What happens when you reply?

...hasn't cottoned on to the fact that I'm winding him up, he must at least think I'm incredibly ungrateful, and more than a little disorganised.

But that's his problem, not mine... This time I replied, telling him I had gone ahead and looked up the proper numbers for the EcoBank in Lagos Nigeria on the internet - and told him that I'd sent my form straight there... Surely this will annoy him - after all, if he really believes that I fell for his scam, then surely he must believe what I've just gone and done is completely idiotic. All along he has stressed the need for secrecy and great caution. Involving the real EcoBank will surely throw a spanner in the works and annoy the long-suffering Mr Madu... and indeed it did.

He wrote:

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? I sent you numbers that you can use to reach particular people because of the confidentiality of this transaction, and you are contacting another number! Well I must inform you at this point, that since you refused to follow my instructions, you have 0 per cent chance of collecting any money from the bank. You have just shown how unconfidential you can be.

I also hope that you did not mention my name in the fax you sent to them, because I don't want to lose my job over a fund that has not been released. The best thing I have to do now is to look for someone more confidential than you are! GOOD DAY!

And so it ended... ...or did it?

Mr Madu, I can't believe I'm going to miss out on this money - but these things happen - and I can see that it was all my fault... but what a shame!!!

Your good - but slightly disappointed - friend.

In truth I expected that to be the last of my dealings with Mr Madu. But he wasn't done yet. He just wanted me to understand the foolishness of what he had done, and clearly rued flying off the handle they way he had.

This transaction is very confidential even in the bank. So all I want you to do at this point, is to contact the telephone number that I gave to you right away. It is the direct line of the Director of international remittance. He knows about this transaction. His name is Dr George Ade...

Do this without delay.

Mr Madu Frank, I thought you'd given up on me.

It is not all over! Please just follow up the instructions that I gave you, and everything will be alright. I want to receive a mail from you tomorrow morning that you have done it. BE POSITIVE!!!

He's changed his tune! He obviously believes there is still a chance I will hand over my passport, bank account detail, phone number and driver's licence.

I wonder how he'll react when I start losing my patience with him - will he spot the irony? I pretend I have made the phone call which he implored me to make...

Mr Madu, What's going on? Dr George Ade is not answering his phone... what time is it there? Why do you tell me to ring him when he's not around to answer his phone?

This is a waste of my time... I want to help you but I will soon lose patience. I do not need the money that badly - $6.75m would have been nice, but I can live without it and will do so if you do not raise your game very soon.

Are you even serious about wanting to transfer this money?

I'm getting frustrated. I expect to hear from you soon.

Me Madu wasn't impressed.

I will not be a party to any kind of funny jokes because I have a very important schedule myself.

I have called Dr George immediately I received your mail, just to find out if he had any missed call, he said no. Please I know that you are getting frustrated, but we have to keep trying. He will definitely pick up your call when you contact him.

It is too early to start giving up.

Mr Madu, You say "I will not be a party to any kind of funny jokes because I have very important schedule myself" - well excuse me, but I'm the one who gets the distinct feeling this all a bit of a botched operation.

Are you suggesting that I'm lying about ringing Dr George Ade. I do not appreciate being called a liar. I called the number you sent me - there was no answer. Why would I waste my time and yours lying about it?

I don't think I want to do business with you any more.

That told him. Within a week we've gone from him cutting me off to me cutting him off. By this stage I was confident that he would still come back for more, almost regardless of whatever I said. Sure enough, Mr Madu replied, this time - giving me the email addresses for Dr George Ade and his department within the bank. Interestingly, like Mr Madu, both used Yahoo.com webmail addresses. Not very professional for a bank, I thought. (Rest assured all addresses being used have been reported to Yahoo!).

So I contacted Dr George Ade. Could this be Mr Madu by another name?

Dr George, I have been in contact with an associate of yours Mr Madu Frank - I'm sure he has told you about our conversation. He has asked me to contact you to move this transaction on.

Tell me please - why does the bank have a Yahoo! email address? It doesn't sound very official - I need to be assured that this is a serious and official operation - not just people setting up Yahoo! mail addresses - which anybody could do. Please send assurances that I am dealing with honest and official people.

I hope you understand my concern.

Let's see what 'Dr George Ade' has to say for himself.

Dear Sir, I wish to acknowledge the receipt of your mail addressed personally to me, Dr George Ade, on this 3rd day of February 2003. I will start by explaining to you, that this bank does not have only one branch, therefore we do not have just one website or just a particular email address. All departments of the bank are allowed to set up contact points, which will be best to access the banking procedures.

So let's get this straight. Dr Ade is telling me that companies can only set up a specific web address when they are based in just one location. This goes against everything the web stands for. What's starting to annoy me at this point is that these people obviously think I'm an idiot. That said... I did reply to the original email, so as far as they're concerned it's probably a fair assumption.

But who would deal with an international bank that uses Yahoo! mail addresses?

At this point it really hits me how foolish the people are who have been duped by these scammers.

Thanks George, Before we go on - I really don't think you are making the most of the opportunities the internet presents you.

You say "this bank does not have only one branch therefore we do not have just one website or just a particular email address".

The internet is supposed to remove such 'location-based' thinking. You sound like a good man, and I trust you, but I really think an international bank would sound far more impressive if it wasn't using free internet mail addresses. You should look into it.

I'm more than happy with Mr Madu's arrangement - but I imagine there are people out there who would be unwilling to hand out important information, such as bank details, to a Yahoo! account.

Anyway, that's just my opinion,

All the best

I included Mr Madu on my reply. I imagine by now there is at least one very frustrated man in Nigeria. Surely after three weeks he's getting fed up of this. After all, he originally said the transaction must be completed in 14 days... we're well over that already, and sure enough Mr Madu is not happy.

Why are you making a joke of this transaction? I have the certificate of deposit of the fund in question, and the Lodgement receipt with me, and can fax it to you if you can give me a fax number. I am not joking, I mean what I am saying.

So send me your fax number, so that I can send you these documents of proof immediately.

Oh dear. I appear to have annoyed him.

I waited a few days before sending my next email. By this stage we're well into the fourth week - Mr Madu wanted this done within 14 days. I thought it best to make my apologies and also make up an excuse for the delay.

Sorry Mr Madu, I wasn't making a joke of this transaction intentionally. Apologies also for the delay, but I have been away on business. As such I didn't want to leave a fax number before I went away as I didn't want this form arriving in my absence as I wanted to keep this transaction quiet - I'm sure you understand.

Anyway, I'm back from my travels now and if you could let me have the certificate of deposit and the Lodgement receipt that would be excellent - why not send them as attachments to this email address.

With the ball back in Mr Madu's court I'm kept waiting for a couple of days, until I next hear from him.

It's nice receiving your mail once again. It was a public holiday for the past two days here in Nigeria, so I will send you the documents through mail, tomorrow morning or on Saturday morning.

But they didn't turn up. Has Mr Madu finally given up the chase? Saturday and Sunday pass, with no forms arriving. For five days there is silence from Mr Madu, I start to suspect he's lost interest but I've one last trick up my sleeves to elicit a reaction.

Since starting this email conversation we've received dozens more of these Nigerian emails. Perhaps it's time to introduce Mr Madu to some of his peers.

Mr Madu, Have you shared my details with colleagues of yours. Just this past weekend I received two emails:

First up is Dr Godfrey Ugo who is offering me a share in the fortune of "a foreign customer who died along with his entire family in a Concord plane crash in the year 2000 in Paris".

Secondly I heard from Sunday Ikechukwu who says he works for the Foreign Remittance Department of the Zenith Bank. He is offering me a share of money held in "an account that belongs to one of our foreign customers who died along with his entire family in November 1997 in a plane crash."

What's going on?

This stirred Mr Madu back into action, though he was hardly phased at all by the revelations in my email. In fact he offered this incredible response.

This is just exactly what I told you about delay in anything you do. I investigated the mails that you sent to me, and found out that the mails where sent to you by some fraudulent officials of my bank, who know about this transaction, but want to send the money through another bank.

Please, let us be fast about this transaction before somebody else will come and claim the fund.

Please do not contact any of those people, because you may end up not even getting anything at the end of the day.

So there it is - in so many words my Nigerian scammer has admitted that these emails are a fraud. The final line of his last email is probably the only truthful thing he's said all along. He has instructed me not to contact these people because he would rather he got the chance to clean out my bank account than one of his peers.

The End

(...or is it?)