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By Aled Herbert, 16 May 2002 14:25

NEWS The eagerly awaited Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones is released worldwide today but bootleg copies are already available for download on the web. Copies of the film were circulating on Usenet and other bulletin boards on the internet around a week before the official 16 May launch date, an indication of the growing problem for film studios which now face another channel for piracy. According to the Motion Picture Association of America, films are usually available for download from the web 24 hours after they debut in cinemas. The files can take around 24 to 36 hours to download on a fast connection. Films are also frequently available from P2P sites such as Morpheus and KaZaA. The picture and audio qualities of the films are frequently very poor. But is the film itself any good? Thanks to a ticket to the premiere on 14 May, here's silicon.com's very first (and probably last ever) film review: Warning: minor spoilers included in this review, so if you plan to see the film totally unsullied by inside information, click elsewhere now... Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones Three years on from the awful mess that was The Phantom Menace, the much-anticipated Attack of the Clones opens in cinemas around the world today with a lot to make up for. The film is a lunatic ride through the imagination of George Lucas and contains all the great and bad things that lurk within. In précis, the first half of the film is pretty dreadful with a few cracking scenes, while the latter half is cracking with a handful of dreadful moments. Dealing with the dark side first, the opening hour is more or less dominated by the ham-fisted telling of the love story between young Jedi apprentice Anakin Skywalker (Darth Vader in waiting) and the former Queen, but now distinctly republican, Senator Padme Amidala. One of the biggest problems with Attack of the Clones is the dialogue. Harrison Ford once famously told Lucas: "You can write this sh*t, but you can't say it." This statement has never been so obvious as in this film, where the writing reaches new levels of absurdity. One of the choice bits of dialogue between Anakin and Amidala runs roughly like this: "I hate the sand, it's coarse and rough and gets in my hair, not like you, you're soft and smooth." Now, what girl could resist patter like that? It's also tough to keep track of the number of times Ewan McGregor's Obi-wan Kenobi says something along the lines of "Be patient my young Padawan apprentice," to Anakin, who looks like he's just wandered in off the set of Beverly Hills 90210 or Dawson's Creek. It's enough to turn anyone to the dark side. There are a couple of great scenes in the first hour, most notably a high-octane chase through the urban labyrinth of the city planet Corsuscant - the home of the Republic and the Jedi order - that's strongly reminiscent of Luc Besson's The Fifth Element and Ridley Scott's Bladerunner. Another battle scene on the superbly rendered watery planet of Kamino, home to the clone army of the film's title, offers brief respite from the schmaltz. But, of course, Star Wars was never about dialogue, sound narrative structure and strong character development, so let's get to the good bits. There's probably more lightsabre action in this one film than in the other four put together.
While it's clear that Obi wan was born with a silver spoon in his mouth, Samuel L. Jackson's Jedi Master Mace Windu was obviously ushered into the world with a tin opener in one hand and an industrial-sized can of whoopass in the other. Not a man to be trifled with. The duels with evil bounty hunter Jango Fett - father of geek über-favourite Boba - and various opponents are not to be missed. Also unmissable is two-foot tall Yoda's sublime "I know Kung-fu" moment just prior to his big fight. Worth the price of admission alone, as is what ensues. Those doubting the little green fella's ability to hold his own in combat with the bad guys will be left cheering. (On the subject of Yoda: why, after eight hundred years of training Jedi Knights and presiding on the learned council, has no-one taken him aside and had a quiet word with him about his sentence structure.) The action scenes and the imagined worlds are spectacular, brilliantly atmospheric and totally unprecedented in terms of CGI. In some scenes there's a dizzying amount going on: hundreds of soldiers, Jedis and aliens fighting as well as missiles and laser blasts virtually obscuring the screen. And, most importantly, lightsabres everywhere. So if you can ignore the awful dialogue and frequently silly CGI aliens you'll love Attack of the Clones. It has enough action to keep the kids (grown-up or otherwise) glued to the screen, but, alas, it's no classic. And finally, Christopher Lee on a sleek speeder bike is about as convincing as a Wookie on a tricycle.